Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

Tim Russert R.I.P...

A great man and journalist died today and I am pretty bummed about it. Tim Russert was a brilliant and thoughtful man who had a way with people that garnered respect and admiration. When I heard the news of his death, the first thing I thought was how sad it was that he wouldn't be around for the upcoming election.  I was sad for him because general election coverage was where he really shined, and I was sad for the American people who looked to him for that extra bit of insight that only he could provide.
I'll never forget his excitement during the June 2nd primaries when Barack Obama finally clinched the number of required delegates to become the presumptive Democratic nominee for President. While everyone else went on about the history-making moment in terms of the upcoming election and the uphill battles of both candidates, Tim commented about how at that at moment, he wished he was a history teacher at an inner-city school so that he could share in the excitement and express the importance of that moment with the kids at that school.  He was so genuinely moved by the  moment, and that moved me.
Tim Russert was one of the good ones. My heart goes out to his family and colleagues who all seem to be absolutely heartsick over his loss. I hope that people say the kinds of amazing things about me that I've heard said about him when I leave this world. Godspeed Tim!

I've Seen the Sex and the City Movie - NOT A SPOILER!!!

I PROMISE YOU THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND SPOIL THE MOVIE FOR THE LOYAL FANS OF SEX AND THE CITY.  THESE ARE JUST GENERAL OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND THE WHOLE SATC PHENOMENON...

So a good friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me that he had tickets to a private screening of the SATC movie.  I never watched the show, but I knew about the premise and was familiar with all the characters.  Every other woman I know has already bought pre-sale tickets and are setting up parties to go see the movie so I figured that even though I didn't care about the movie, I could rub the fact that I got to see it before it was released to the masses in my overly excited girlfriends faces(yeah, I'm that bitch. lol)

The movie was entertaining enough.  It didn't leave me wanting to run out and buy the DVD box-sets, but I wasn't falling asleep and laughed out loud more than once.  I was also happy to support writer/director Michael Patrick King.  Up until a year ago (when he left for NY to film the movie) he had a suite in a West Hollywood office building. My suite was next door to his and he is a very sweet and classy man.  Not at all pretentious or snobby. I like him very much so for him alone I hope the movie makes a trillion dollars.  OK, I'm done name dropping.

Now on to my observations:

1. Sarah Jessica Parker is a ridiculously skinny bitch! So skinny that it's painfully unattractive.  They say that the camera adds 10 pounds, but SJP needed about 30 pounds added.  You can see every vein, organ and rogue fat cell in that woman's body. Somebody please feed her!
2. What's up with the way Kim Catrall speaks? Her affect is such that I can't tell if she's trying for upper-crust posh socialite or sex kitten??? I was confused and annoyed at the same time.
3. Kristin Davis is the prettiest one of the group and looks damn good in high fashion as well.  Why wasn't she the lead on this show?
4. I don't get the appeal of Jason Lewis(Smith).  I honestly don't find this guy attractive. He has an enormous head and he needs to stay out of the sun because he's getting some deep folds in his face. I know I'm in the minority, but I was bothered by his massive dome and sun-damaged skin.
5. I found Chris Noth attractive.  I never have before, but I could see some Cary Grant-esque quality about him that was appealing.
6. SATC fans are insane. I had a woman sitting behind me who felt compelled to comment on EVERYTHING. She had to critique the clothes and the shoes.  She sang along to the soundtrack. She had to give Carrie advice (I shit you not). She had to blurt out what she thought a character was about to say.  I swear I thought I was at a screening of Soul Plane with all the talking to the screen that was going on!  Someone needs to sit her down and explain that these are not real people or situations and that they can't hear her talking to them.  I was over her ass about 15 minutes into the film.
7. The soundtrack was really good even with a crazy woman behind me singing along.

Overall, it was a good experience. I wouldn't see it again, but I wouldn't tell anyone not to check it out either. I think the true fans of the show will be happy with it.  I just hope they start a letter writing campaign to SJP to get on a program of regular eating.  I'm worried about that chick.

Real World Hollywood: Greg Gives Will a BJ (sorta)

 

I caught a couple episodes of the Real World over the long weekend and I'm not surprised to see that MTV has put together a perfectly screwed up ensemble of celebrity wannabes.  They aren't all despicable.  I like Will and surprisingly enough, I'm starting to like Brianna. Though she has horrible taste in men and is a bit trashy, I find her to be a pretty sharp girl.  I can appreciate a woman with a strong bullshit detector and a low tolerance for it once she detects it.  The person that I've hated from day one is Greg.  That little bitch makes me literally scream at the television.  I don't buy his false superiority for one minute. He is a Class A pile of steaming, putrid shit and he knows it! He is not at all good-looking. He's not clever or charming, and not since Puck have a wanted so badly to see an epic tragedy befall a Real Worlder. Greg SUCKS!!!!

Since I hate Greg so much, I was ever so pleased to see him get played like the little bitch that he is when that silly whore/associate of his - Reva - hooked up with his roommate Will.  Then she lied straight to his face about it.  It always amazes me how these girls go on television, surrounded by cameras, and act like trashy gutter-snipes, but I guess a ho gotta be a ho.  Now this skank Reva comes over to the house as Greg's girl, then sneaks off with Will so that she can give him a blow-job under the ever watchful eye of the MTV cameras.  When Greg goes looking for her, he walks in on her smoking Will's pole (but I guess Greg didn't actually see the act in progress), and he goes running downstairs like a wounded bird.  So much for his lack of care about his "Associates". 

The little whore (Reva in case you missed it) comes trotting downstairs with the smell of Will's tool still on her breath and swears to Greg that nothing happened, even though Will tried to hook up with her.  Being the virtuous little angel that she is, she rebuffed Will's advances by putting his dick in her mouth so that he couldn't molest her.  Way to keep a man at bay Reva!  The amazing part is that Greg believed that bullshit! For real?!?! is he really that stupid or just in denial? Anyway, he and Reva go off to do who knows what. 

I was on the edge of my seat praying that they would show the two of them kissing.  I'm sure they did, but it would have been the icing on the cake to know that Greg was swapping spit with a girl that had his roomies junk in her mouth just minutes earlier.  Haha, that's some good stuff!  I really hate Greg. He's an insecure dork who seems to have some impairment to his motor skills.  Can that dude talk any slower? Anyway, it dawned on me that he reminded me of someone.  Do you see the resemblance too?

David Archuleta's Crazy Daddy Killed his Idol Dreams

As a non-fan/non-watcher of American Idol, I really don't have an opinion about whether the right David won, but I've heard enough about David Archuleta's dad to have an opinion about why the golden child did not win. 

With all the stories about his crazy father interrupting rehearsals, harassing other contestants and pretty much attempting to hijack the show, the public was not about to reward his (daddy's) bad behavior by crowing his hopeful future ATM the winner.  David A's dad is the epitome of the overbearing, failed musician, stage-dad that is trying to live vicariously through is very talented son. 

David A will likely do better than the winner, which seems to be the history of American Idol.  Just this morning I heard a story that Idol winner Taylor Hicks was dropped from his record label due to the poor sales of his debut (and only) album while the 4th runner up from his season, Chris Daughtry, had the biggest selling debut rock album ever.  Daughtry is still going strong and Taylor is back at Wal-Mart.  So maybe second place isn't such a bad place to be for little David A, but he needs to lose dad with the quickness! 

Daddy Archuleta sounds like a real nightmare, similar to Macauley Culkin's stage-dad from back in the day.  If he's in the picture, people may not want to work with his son and his dreams of being a big star...I mean his dreams of David being a big star, will be dashed.  My advice to David is to get a real manager, send Daddy back to Utah, buy him and mom a big new house, make frequent deposits to his bank account and be sure to dedicate every performance to Dear Old Dad so that he leaves you and your career alone.

American Idol is Fixed and Paula Abdul is Crazy

I'm no fan of American Idol.  I always suspected the fix was in and that the "judges" comments were completely contrived to manipulate the audience into voting a certain way.  Bat-shit crazy, Paula Abdul opened her overly medicated mouth and proved my theory to be true.  Either that or the chick really can see into the future and comment on it too.  Watch this talentless hack give pre-written commentary on a performance that hasn't even happened yet.  When is this show going to finally fire this train wreck/liability?

10 Things I Don't Want to do with A Few Reality Stars

1. I don’t  want to have dinner at Lauren Conrad’s house. Every time they show her in the kitchen on The Hills, there’s some fat, furry cat on the kitchen counter. I’ll pass on the cat hair in my lasagna, thanks. 

2. I don’t want to take hairstyling tips from Jeff of Sunset Tan. That dude has started a douche bag hair trend that is not only stupid but ugly too. 

3. I don’t want to have tons and tons of sex with Brody Jenner. I only want to have a single ton of sex with him. 

4. I don’t want to have any amount or type of sex with Domenico of Shot at Love/That’s Amore. I really don’t. 

5. I don’t want to do shots with Tila Tequila. She’d probably get drunk and try to have sex with me.  I don’t want to taste Tila or Tequila. 

6. I don’t want to get a dental referral from Alex of The Real Housewives of New York City. She can spend thousands of dollars on designer gowns and private schools for her kids, but she can’t afford one good orthodontist? Get your priorities straight Snaggle Tooth. 

7. I don’t want to get a plastic surgeon referral from Vicki, Lauri or any of the Real Housewives of Orange County.  Enough said.

8. I don’t want to go clothes shopping with Heather, Daisy, Angelique, (insert skank’s name here) from Rock of Love 1, Rock of Love 2 or any of the future “Rocks” of Love. I doubt that Homeless Hooker Chic will ever be a trend that sticks. 

9. I don’t want to get advice from Greg of The Real World Hollywood about how to win friends and influence people. That dude is colossal asshole and I can’t wait for the episode where he gets knocked the fuck out. 

10. I don’t want to take make-up lessons from Rocky of I Know My Kid’s a Star. I didn’t believe it was possible to paint on ugly, but Rocky proved me wrong.

Rock of Love 2 Foxy Boxing - Old Ho vs. New Ho

Sunday was the  Rock of Love season 2 (look for promos for Rock of Love 3 any day now) reunion show.  Bret got the band of hoochie misfits back together for one final gig.  I didn't watch the whole season because I find the whole thing to be pretty vile, but I do like the reunions. Especially when there is some ho-on-ho crime goin' down.  Of course VH1 teased us with the highlight of the evening, the fight between old hoebag bootycall, Heather and new hoebag hit-and-quit "I'm Muthafuckin' Ocar de la Hoya's niece, bitch!" a.ka. Daisy. The show cleverly set up Heather and Daisy to finally air out their dirty laundry and come together in the spirit of stripper love, but sadly, that was not to be.  It was hard to decipher what was said due to all the *bleeps* needed to clean up the barrage of F-bombs, dirty effin' whores and whatnot, but Daisy apparently said something that really offended Heather because my girl tried to shot put Daisy's little ass across the studio.  Daisy is no punk though and she was ready to rumble. She went straight for Heather's hair extensions and the chick fight was on.  It really wasn't that big a deal.  It was pretty much Heather punching Daisy in the head.  I'm thinking Daisy's head is harder than Heather's hand so even though she didn't get in a good punch, I'm giving her the win.  I expected more from the niece of a champion boxer, but Bret and Ricky Rackman were all in the mix and keeping her from really laying the smackdown so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.  Heather looks like a hot old tranny mess! No other way to describe it.  She also appears to have gained a ton of weight, which is probably why she was wearing that ugly pirate get-up.  Check out the video...

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Screech Diamond - The Assclown of VH1

Celebrity Fit Club - Boot Camp is coming to an end and I'm actually pretty glad.  They brought that whining, obnoxious little victim Dustin Douchebag Diamond back to disrupt everything again.  I'm soooo tired of his constant need for attention, lack of cooperation, bitching and complaining.  I'm also tired of him claiming that Harvey hates Jews and that he's being "threatened" every time Harvey says "boo" to him.  So let me break it down for DD:

1. Harvey doesn't hate Jews.  He hates YOU.  The fact that you are Jewish is just an unfortunate burden that the Jewish community has to bear.  They probably hate you too.
2. You are not a lawyer and I doubt you have a lawyer. Quit trying to convince everyone that you're not an idiot by spurting off big legal terms like "federal crime".  Teasing and yelling at a spineless, cry-baby victim is not a federal crime.  Calling a Jew a Nazi is not a federal crime. If you want to get back at Harvey for calling you a Jew then call him a redneck. It's about equal in absurdity and the Feds don't have to get involved.
3. Quit running to the phone to call that pathetic girl that would allow herself to be known as your girlfriend. Just about everyone there has had it out with Harvey and you are the only one that goes running to your "manager" every time your little feelings get hurt.  You are sad and pathetic. Grow a pair already.
4. Check yourself before you go accusing other people of committing "crimes". Have you seen the clip of you telling Dunkleman that you'd gut him, kick his ass and other federal, terrorist threats? He ought to file a complaint against you so that we don't have to see your fat ass at the next "celebrity" fat camp.

I'm going to be watching the final show tonight though. Maybe Harvey will make you cry again.

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The Real Housewives of NYC - Ramona's Crazy is Cranked to 10

The Real Housewives of NYC is a total guilty pleasure. These pampered “housewives” are supposed to represent the posh and polished monied socialites of NYC. In “reality” I find all of these women to be pretty average everyday gals that just happened to marry and/or earn a good living that affords them certain luxuries. They certainly don’t exude the presence of having grown up with money and all of the socialization such as etiquette and air of “class” that comes with having been raised by stern Head Mistresses at European boarding schools. They are all actually (maybe with the exception of Alex, and only because she’s “acting” like she was raised with money) kind of crass and in the case of Ramona, downright tacky and obnoxious. Crazy bug-eyed, wannabe MILF Ramona suffers from extreme diarrhea of the mouth. The irritation that comes from the fact that her mouth is always running is only compounded by her nasally earsplitting New Yawwwk accent. She is always inappropriate, pushy as hell and just incapable of putting on an outfit that is age appropriate. I know she thinks she’s hot, but even her 12-year old daughter is smart enough to know better. Poor Ramona. She’s so desperate to be friends with the “cool moms” at the PTA meeting, but she’s just too annoying to hang out with for more than 10 minutes. See her most epic rant about Alex (the social-climbing Stepford wife of the gay “European”) bringing her husband to the Girls Night Out dinner. While I completely agree that just because Simon is gay, he’s technically not a girl and should not have come to the dinner, I do take issue with Ramona having a hissy fit, especially since it wasn’t her house and she didn’t cook a damn thing. Jill needs to be kicked in the ass for having not put Ramona in her place since it was her house and Alex and Simon were guests in her home. Jill doesn’t even like Ramona. I would have taken the opportunity to put the bug-eyed troll on blast and call her out for her classless, childish temper tantrum. Check Miss Rameana out in all her bug-eyed, psycho glory…

'The Hills' are Alive with the Sound of Douche Bags

It's not enough for Heidi and Spencer to mess with LC's chi on The Hills, now the dumbnamic duo want their own show. Quelle Surprise! Didn't see that one comin'.  I effing hate these two and the way that they have played and manipulated MTV and MTV viewers would be genius if it weren't so transparent.  I hope these over nipped/tucked, overprocessed, talentless assclown attention seeking famewhores DON'T get their own show, but if they can be placed at the top of Page Six, my bet is that they will.  And I WON"T be watching.  This last mini-season of The Hills has already bored me.  I think I'm done. 

Read the full nauseating story for yourself....

'Hills' Lovers Want Own Show