Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

That's What Friends are For

So I'm out the other night with my best friend a.k.a "gay husband" having a great time like we usually do, when that bitch had the nerve to call me a hermit!  He says that I've become all work and no play.  This isn't entirely true.  I have become a little distant from a lot of my friends, but I wouldn't say I'm a complete recluse. I've probably spent more of my free time with the gay husband over the last year than anyone else though.  I have been flying my Hag Flag a little too high, a little too long. I love my girlfriends, but I'm at that age where they are all either married and are constantly trying to convince me that I need to settle down and get married too so that I can be part of one of their boring married couples "date nights" or I have the girlfriends that aren't married, but desperately want to be so they want to go out all the time on a man hunt.  These are the girls that you can't even go out and have a nice dinner with since they can't be bothered to have a conversation with you because they're craning their necks trying to spot a single man who with any luck will become "the one" within 6 months so that they can be married right around their one year anniversary.  I shit you not. I have a friend with that EXACT timetable in her head.  So I've just been laying low and avoiding all of these people because I get tired of the same conversations about shit that I really don't care about.  Well, I do realize that I'm in danger of becoming a "dull girl" so I'm taking preemptive measures.  One of my very good friends has moved back to town after having gone through a horrible divorce.  Unlike my other single girlfriends, her outlook on life and relationships is vastly different.  She's very much in "nothing but fun" mode.  The other day I jokingly said "Let's travel to beautiful exotic places with the intent of making love to gorgeous men who we can barely communicate with unless we're naked". Her response  "Hell yeah! Where should we go first?" Now that's a friend that will bring me out of my rut! We're having dinner tomorrow night and planning our trip to Australia. The communication will be a little easier, but the intent will be the same. G'Day!

Bad Idea of the Day: Holding Sex Hostage

I don’t know if this is a new trend, but I have now spoken to or overheard 5 different women in their 30s who say that they are no longer having sex until they are married. The reason being is that they feel that men don’t take them seriously and they have to show them that they are looking for something more permanent than just dating. I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that way of thinking, but I think these women are in for a rude awakening. I wish them luck, but I predict disappointment and epic failure. If this is something you’re thinking about, consider this:

1. You’re not giving it up which means you’re not getting any either. Sexual frustration makes for one unpleasant and undesirable broad. Dates will be few and far between.
2. You ain’t the only game in town. I’m sure you’re a lovely person and any man would be lucky to have you, but while you’re holding out, he’s humping someone else. Brutal truth. Believe it.
3. You’ve played your hand and exposed yourself. Men now know that you will use sex as a bargaining chip, and that’s not sexy. Who wants to deal with that?
4. How do you know you want to commit yourself to a man that you haven’t given a test drive? I would guess that all sexually active women know the bitter disappointment of lousy sex. I can  deal with messing up my hair for a bad piece of ass once,but if you’re looking to have me looking like a windblown mess on the regular, you best be bringing the heat.
5. OK, more brutal truth: You’re in your 30s. You are competing with teenagers and 20-somethings for men. You’re already at a disadvantage. One advantage that you actually have is that your life experience and confidence makes you far superior in bed to these little girls. I highly recommend that you fuck your way to his heart.

I know these women are buying into the whole “Why buy the cow…?” crap, but I truly doubt that a man is going to buy a whole cow just so he can get a piece of tail. I say “Why buy the bull when you can get the bullshit for free?” Date, hang out and get to know someone without an agenda. Enjoy yourself and get your jollies, then move forward or move on once you have an idea if you have a winner or a loser. You can try holding out on sex, but I think you’ll end up even more frustrated. The Rabbit can only do so much and batteries are expensive!

Didn't Email, No Longer Frustrated, Still Horny

My longing for Jerry was fleeting. After a couple of days it was the old "out of sight, out of mind." As the saying goes: The best way to get over one man is to get under another one. :o)

Horny, Frustrated and Ready to Email...

About a month ago, I started a new job.  Things there are going well.  The people are pretty cool for the most part and I'm learning a lot of new stuff that's actually very interesting.  All is well.
My company does a lot of collateral and other marketing materials for our clients so that requires a creative team to design the stuff.  The company tends to use temporary employees for the creative work since there are lulls in the amount of design needed so they don't want to pay for full-timers. One of these temps was a guy I'll call Jerry.
I noticed Jerry on my first day when I looked around the room during my introduction to the rest of the company. Jerry had a very large, bright smile on his face that was very welcoming.  Later he approached me in the hallway and formally introduced himself.  He seemed like a nice, friendly guy. Slightly flirty, but non-threatening.  Not my type, but a nice guy nonetheless.  A couple of days later during a meeting at which we were both in attendance, I looked up several times to find Jerry staring at me every time. Surprisingly, I didn't find him creepy, but he still wasn't my type. He seemed a little "Crunchy Granola/New Agey" to me and I just wasn't feelin' him. I didn't find Jerry unattractive, I just wasn't attracted to him. I even saw him at the gym one night, but he didn't see me. I didn't say a word to him for fear that he would feel like we were on neutral ground and he might make a move.  Yes, I can be full of myself.  Go ahead and judge me. I'm too cool to care. Just kidding;)
Over the last couple of weeks, Jerry and I worked together on a couple of projects and we chatted a bit and shared a couple of laughs.  He turned out to be as cool and friendly as I first thought. He was starting to grow on me, but I still wasn't interested. Until a couple of days ago...
Monday morning, Jerry comes walking into the office with a fresh new haircut and wearing a cool shirt. He was looking pretty good! His hair before was a hot mess and one of the reasons I wasn't feelin' the love. Now you could see how gorgeous his deep blue eyes are and his perfect smile stood out just a bit more. I (and a couple of other ladies) complimented Jerry on his new-found hotness.
Later that day, Jerry came in my office and we started chatting about travel, foreign language, music, our interests outside of work and life in general.  Turns out we had a lot in common.  On Tuesday, Jerry stopped by my office again to continue our conversation from the day before. We added books to our list of "things in common." As Jerry was standing there, I found myself feeling all warm and fuzzy and fantasizing about gettin' ten kinds of freaky with him! Now it has been a few months in the desert for me, but I was genuinely attracted to the dude and I really wanted to make out with him...among other things.
Just so happens that during our conversation, I asked Jerry how long he was assigned to the company.  He said that it was indefinite as long as they had work.  Somehow we started talking about networking and I mentioned LinkedIn. I told him that I had made some good connections there and he told me that he also had an account. I told him to look me up and I'd add him to my network. He seemed excited about maintaining a connection and I was pretty pleased too. I was enjoying our flirtation.
This morning I walked into the office and heard the sad announcement that yesterday was Jerry's last day.  There wasn't enough work to keep him busy so they sent him on his way.  He got the call after hours from his agency.  Boo hoo!  Who am I going to flirt with now? And now that my mind has gone racing to those naughty places, I'm one horny mess! I know I told Jerry to look me up, but I'm seconds away from looking him up first.  Actually, I already looked him up. I just punked out on shooting him an email. I think I'll hold out for a few days "Swingers" style.  Hopefully, Jerry will reach out to me first.  I just hope that if we do re-connect he hasn't let that beat down hairdo crop back onto his head. I'd probably still jump his bones since I know what's underneath, but I'd still rather do "Hot Jerry". Wish me luck!

I've Seen the Sex and the City Movie - NOT A SPOILER!!!

I PROMISE YOU THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND SPOIL THE MOVIE FOR THE LOYAL FANS OF SEX AND THE CITY.  THESE ARE JUST GENERAL OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND THE WHOLE SATC PHENOMENON...

So a good friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me that he had tickets to a private screening of the SATC movie.  I never watched the show, but I knew about the premise and was familiar with all the characters.  Every other woman I know has already bought pre-sale tickets and are setting up parties to go see the movie so I figured that even though I didn't care about the movie, I could rub the fact that I got to see it before it was released to the masses in my overly excited girlfriends faces(yeah, I'm that bitch. lol)

The movie was entertaining enough.  It didn't leave me wanting to run out and buy the DVD box-sets, but I wasn't falling asleep and laughed out loud more than once.  I was also happy to support writer/director Michael Patrick King.  Up until a year ago (when he left for NY to film the movie) he had a suite in a West Hollywood office building. My suite was next door to his and he is a very sweet and classy man.  Not at all pretentious or snobby. I like him very much so for him alone I hope the movie makes a trillion dollars.  OK, I'm done name dropping.

Now on to my observations:

1. Sarah Jessica Parker is a ridiculously skinny bitch! So skinny that it's painfully unattractive.  They say that the camera adds 10 pounds, but SJP needed about 30 pounds added.  You can see every vein, organ and rogue fat cell in that woman's body. Somebody please feed her!
2. What's up with the way Kim Catrall speaks? Her affect is such that I can't tell if she's trying for upper-crust posh socialite or sex kitten??? I was confused and annoyed at the same time.
3. Kristin Davis is the prettiest one of the group and looks damn good in high fashion as well.  Why wasn't she the lead on this show?
4. I don't get the appeal of Jason Lewis(Smith).  I honestly don't find this guy attractive. He has an enormous head and he needs to stay out of the sun because he's getting some deep folds in his face. I know I'm in the minority, but I was bothered by his massive dome and sun-damaged skin.
5. I found Chris Noth attractive.  I never have before, but I could see some Cary Grant-esque quality about him that was appealing.
6. SATC fans are insane. I had a woman sitting behind me who felt compelled to comment on EVERYTHING. She had to critique the clothes and the shoes.  She sang along to the soundtrack. She had to give Carrie advice (I shit you not). She had to blurt out what she thought a character was about to say.  I swear I thought I was at a screening of Soul Plane with all the talking to the screen that was going on!  Someone needs to sit her down and explain that these are not real people or situations and that they can't hear her talking to them.  I was over her ass about 15 minutes into the film.
7. The soundtrack was really good even with a crazy woman behind me singing along.

Overall, it was a good experience. I wouldn't see it again, but I wouldn't tell anyone not to check it out either. I think the true fans of the show will be happy with it.  I just hope they start a letter writing campaign to SJP to get on a program of regular eating.  I'm worried about that chick.

Are You a Slut or Simply a Woman that Loves Men?

Everyone knows there is a double-standard when it comes to women and their sexuality. The standard states that good girls don’t give it up too much or not at all and girls that give it up often are not “good”, in fact, they are sluts. On the other hand, a guy that sleeps around is a stud, player or big man on campus and is met with rounds of applause and high fives every time he hits a new piece of ass. While I’m no supporter of sluts, I’m all for a woman who loves men, and lots of them. The difference you ask? Let me break it down for you:

 

• Sluts are not discerning. They will pretty much sleep with any guy that pays attention to them and make them feel “pretty”.
• A Woman that Loves Men (WTLM) is very discerning and chooses her lovers based on what they have to offer by way of not only charm and sexual prowess but intellect too…most of the time anyway;)
• Sluts are never in control, they are the plaything of whoever buys them a drink that night.
• A WTLM is ALWAYS in control. Because she is discerning in her choices, she decides when and how often her ass gets tapped.
• Sluts are typically damaged goods. They tend to have daddy-issues, low self-esteem, and a variety of other trauma/drama that makes them seek out the attention and affection of men, any men.
• A WTLM has her shit together, owns her sexuality and is not afraid to go after what she wants. If it takes a combination of 5 different lovers to satisfy all of her needs, there is no shame in her game. Her 5 lovers don’t know each other, but they know of each other and if they have a problem with the arrangement, they will be replaced.
• Sluts, no matter how beautiful, need constant reassurance that they are good enough and seek validation from men. It doesn’t matter how badly he treats her as long as the last thing he tells her is that she’s beautiful.
• A WTLM knows she is beautiful and while she enjoys compliments like any other woman, she doesn’t need them. She knows her self-worth and she carries herself like a Goddess. Her strength and beauty is why she’s able to have 5 lovers competing for her affection.

 

Now I’m not getting on a high horse. Even we WTLM have our slutty moments. Like when you’ve had a horrible day and you’re feeling like shit. To make yourself feel better you decide to meet a girlfriend out for a drink. A few cocktails later you’re horny as hell and some dude in the bar is stroking your ego and making your shit day not seem so bad (yes, WTLM have huge egos and are not opposed to having them stroked). You find yourself flirting with this dude that you have nothing in common with, aren’t that attracted to (but not repulsed by any means). You probably wouldn’t do if you were sober, but right now he’s looking like a male supermodel and literally charming the pants right off of you. Discernment goes out the window and you’re just looking for a quick hit and a lift in your spirits. He’s not becoming a member of the stable, but he’s going to get some for sure. This is a case of temporary slut-itis. You’re feeling a little down, the old confidence might be a little shaken and this charming guy makes you feel special so you drop your drawers. Perfectly acceptable, it happens to the fiercest of divas, but when the romp is over, you return to your state of incredible awesomeness and all is right with the world once more.