Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

That's What Friends are For

So I'm out the other night with my best friend a.k.a "gay husband" having a great time like we usually do, when that bitch had the nerve to call me a hermit!  He says that I've become all work and no play.  This isn't entirely true.  I have become a little distant from a lot of my friends, but I wouldn't say I'm a complete recluse. I've probably spent more of my free time with the gay husband over the last year than anyone else though.  I have been flying my Hag Flag a little too high, a little too long. I love my girlfriends, but I'm at that age where they are all either married and are constantly trying to convince me that I need to settle down and get married too so that I can be part of one of their boring married couples "date nights" or I have the girlfriends that aren't married, but desperately want to be so they want to go out all the time on a man hunt.  These are the girls that you can't even go out and have a nice dinner with since they can't be bothered to have a conversation with you because they're craning their necks trying to spot a single man who with any luck will become "the one" within 6 months so that they can be married right around their one year anniversary.  I shit you not. I have a friend with that EXACT timetable in her head.  So I've just been laying low and avoiding all of these people because I get tired of the same conversations about shit that I really don't care about.  Well, I do realize that I'm in danger of becoming a "dull girl" so I'm taking preemptive measures.  One of my very good friends has moved back to town after having gone through a horrible divorce.  Unlike my other single girlfriends, her outlook on life and relationships is vastly different.  She's very much in "nothing but fun" mode.  The other day I jokingly said "Let's travel to beautiful exotic places with the intent of making love to gorgeous men who we can barely communicate with unless we're naked". Her response  "Hell yeah! Where should we go first?" Now that's a friend that will bring me out of my rut! We're having dinner tomorrow night and planning our trip to Australia. The communication will be a little easier, but the intent will be the same. G'Day!

The Bastard Break Up

This is funny! I don't know what would be worse. Getting dumped like this or dating a dude with this hairdo.

Dating a Friend's Ex - Supremely BAD Idea

There was an article on MSN.com about dating a friend's ex.  The article states that it's OK to date a friends ex as long as you handle it the right way.  I'm a big believer that it is NEVER OK to date someone that your friend was in a serious relationship with.  It may be OK to date a friend's ex-crush, but if they have ever bumped uglies, you need to take your ugly elsewhere.  It's just wrong! You just cannot bang your friend's ex.  Any "friend" that did that to me would not be my friend anymore.  Now if I die - I say go for it. If I'm still alive and kickin', find someone else to date.  According the the article on MSN.com here is how you should handle things:

Time it right
This is definitely a tricky dating scenario, so don’t make it worse by starting to see your pal’s ex when he’s, well, not quite her ex yet.

Well duh! You would then not only be screwing your friend over by screwing her boyfriend, but you'd be helping the bastard cheat.  You'd both be morally corrupt and in need of a swift ass-whoopin'.

Tell the truth
OK, so let’s say your friend and her guy are absolutely, positively broken up. You’re still in an awkward place—you may feel uncomfortable about the one degree of separation, or worry about  causing your friend more pain. Still, don’t go behind your friend’s back. Ask her how she’d feel if you dated her ex.

Um, hello??? How the hell do you think she'd feel? Regardless as to whether they are "positively broken up" she doesn't want to see him with a stranger so she sure as hell doesn't want to see him with some that she knows.  Telling her the truth is going to get you nothing but a friend that knows you're a backstabbing skank and there's no honor in that.

Know your friendship will change

No shit? Ya think??? Of course it's going to change!  First of all, you'll likely no longer be friends and if your friend does decide to keep you around she will never trust you and will probably never introduce you to or speak to you about any guy she dates again.  You'll basically be an acquaintance.  The friendship as it was will be O-V-E-R!!!

You can share…but beware

Yeah, beware of dark alleys and speeding cars because your life just might be in danger.  If your friend has been confiding in you about this guy and looking to you as a shoulder to cry on only to have you go and hook up with him, you are asking for trouble.  She's already hurt by the loss of this dude and then her confidante goes and gets with him? Oh hell no! That is grounds for getting cut for real.

Dating a friend's ex is cruel, wrong, tacky, mean and just not cool.  Most friends have similar tastes in most things - including men - and you probably always thought the dude was hot, but you still cannot go there.  Find a man of your own. Leave your friends ex alone.  Keep your friendship intact and your ass free of a foot lodged in it.  You'll be much happier:)

Friend or Soul-Sucking Energy Vampire?

We all experience rough times and we often look to our friends to help us through, but some "friends" seem to need way more care and feeding than others.  You want to be there for your friends the same way you would hope they would be there for you, but sometimes it's just  too much and you start to wonder if this is a friendship or something else.  Here's some signs that your friend might actually be sucking the life out of you:

1. Do you spend the majority of your time with them discussing their latest drama and/or reliving the same drama over and over again?
2. Do you rarely hear from them when things are going great in their lives, but they are ringing your phone off the hook the minute some shit goes down?
3. Do you find yourself avoiding their phone calls?
4. Are you physically exhausted after yet another marathon phone call about how their man or woman has cheated on them AGAIN?
5. Do they seek your advice about relationships, work, life, etc - which you happily give - only to have them do the complete opposite of what you suggested then they call you to complain for the next 2 hours about how nothing has changed?
6. Do you find yourself wanting to shake the shit out of them?

Any or all of these things could be a sign that you have an energy vampire.  They are self-destructive, hard-headed and needy.  They want to suck up all of your time with their issues and expect you to be happy about it. I had a friend for many years who would break-up and get back together with the same lying, cheating asshole over and over again. She'd get strong and leave him and just when it looked like she was really ready to move on, he would call and give her a guilt trip and she'd take him back. I finally got tired of giving my time and energy to her personal Groundhog Day and told her that she could do whatever she wanted with her relationship, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore.  Of course she took offense to this and the friendship ended.  You would think that I would be sad to lose such a close friend, but I found myself RELIEVED instead.  I loved her dearly, but she was really an energy vampire. She and her never-ending issues left me physically drained and I was happy to have all that stress go away. 

If you have a "friend" like this and are feeling guilty about terminating the relationship, think of it in terms of this:

We all only get so much time on the clock of our lives and every minute is precious.  If you are giving your precious time to something that is not bettering your life or someone else's, it is time that is wasted and you will never get that time back.  Don't let an energy vampire suck away the time on your life's clock. You've got better better things to do with that time.

Stuff Married Guys do While Traveling for Business

Craigslist is the ultimate playground for guys (married and other) to get themselves "some strange".  I like to peruse the Casual Encounter ads simply for the entertainment value.  Most of them are funny, few of them are enticing and some are just sad and/or disturbing. I don't know what whore will respond to this one, but she and the cheating dirtbag both deserve to catch some really hideous social disease that involves painful, festering boils. His poor wife! He's gonna come home and give her a big kiss after having lapped up the juices of some stranger. I'm sure he'll brush his teeth first, but damn THAT'S JUST NASTY!!! Check out his sexy (barf!) post below...

MWM Seeking Hot Make-Out Session - m4w - 34 (LAX)

---

Reply to: @craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-18, 6:45PM PDT


Good-looking MWM seeking attractive, thin to hwp woman (22-45) for a DISCREET make-out session for an hour or so tonight in my hotel room. If you are clean, d/d free and interested in making-out, send description/stats and I will reply. Race and status is unimportant, just have to a great kisser. Up for oral and 69 too if it goes that far, but not necessary. Be REAL or please don't respond.

NO MEN!

Oral Sex Infidelity - Is Eatin' Cheatin'?

I have this girlfriend. Very cool chick. She’s pretty, smart, hardworking, generous and I’d trust her with my life. She’s my girl and I love her but she has what I consider to be a twisted view of what cheating is and is not. She’s been with her boyfriend for 3 ½ years and she is absolutely sure that he is the one. Her fondest wish is for him to get down on one knee (with a ring: 3 carat, princess cut diamond in a platinum Tiffany setting in hand) and propose. He absolutely adores her too and though he’s prone to bouts of anti-social lameness, he’s a decent guy and he treats her well so all of her friends accept him for the lovable drip that he is. Anyway, in the time that they have been together her only real complaint is that he doesn’t really satisfy her sexually, especially in the oral favors department. She says that she’s given him detailed direction, watched porn with him and even bought some of those sex education tapes (the full sex series of 3 tapes for $49.99 plus tax and shipping) in order to get him on the right track. They watched, he tried, but to no avail. Dude still can’t hit the spot. This girl is known to be of the rare species “easily excited mistress of the multiple orgasm” too so you can imagine her frustration. Well after a couple of years of not getting her jollies unless accompanied by the aid of a battery powered device, she found herself questioning whether she should stay with this man of hers. Again, he’s a decent guy, responsible, self-sufficient, respectful and kind. Not bad looking either. He’s pretty much the man of a cold fish’s dream. He unfortunately has himself a real live wire and she was getting anxious. A few months ago, she met this guy who has managed to bring Technicolor into a world that had been in black and white. The story goes like this…One day while conducting a job search on Craigslist she happened upon the Casual Encounters section. This makes sense because those two areas are very close together on the Craiglist page and one could easily find oneself there if not very careful. So as she perused the ads of guys looking for various ladies for a variety of acrobatic sexual encounters, she came across an ad posted by a guy that was looking to worship the pussy of a goddess. No sex. He just wanted to worship some pussy until the goddess was a panting, sweaty heap on the floor. Well my friend has very high self-esteem and was certain that she was the goddess that he sought. She shot him an email and asked him to send her a picture. She wanted to see if he was worthy of the job of Goddess Pussy Worshiper. Even sexually frustrated über horny chicks have standards. So she gets a picture from this guy and he’s actually pretty good-looking from what she saw. He didn’t look like a creepy weirdo and his email reply seemed to be written boy someone that wasn’t an escaped mental patient or a shut-in of any kind. They decided to meet up for coffee to see if there was any chemistry and if so, he could start worshipping that very day! Well they meet and she’s pleasantly surprised that the dude is actually good-looking and he’s pretty cool to hang out with for a cup of coffee as well. Why this dude is at home in the middle of the day writing ads looking to lick some stranger’s kitty is my first question. Turns out the guy is a “writer” of some kind and he’s his own boss. My friend was jobless at the time so they each had their afternoons free. Well, like I said, my friend and the guy hit it off and they decided to try out this Worship arrangement. She took him back to her place (where she lives with her boyfriend—yikes!) and proceeded to kick back while this dude diddled her skittle for over an hour. She said that she couldn’t tell if it was the excitement of doing something illicit with a stranger in the home she shared with her love or if the guy was really just that good, but she had NEVER climaxed like that before with anyone…EVER. And true to his ad, the only thing that happened was him pleasuring her. There was no kissing, no reciprocation, no intercourse. Just him with his head buried firmly in her lap for over an hour (jeez!).  Well this has now been going on for about 5 months. She says that she is addicted to this guys tongue and that she cannot see herself giving it up soon. They still have not done anything beyond him performing oral sex on her and she thinks that because she’s not doing anything except receiving oral favors, she is not cheating. As shocked as I was by this, I was even more shocked by other girlfriends that don’t think that she’s cheating either! WTF?!?!? OF COURSE she’s cheating! I’ll be damned if I came home and found my man with some chick’s lips wrapped around his junk that I wouldn’t go off on his ass…FOR CHEATING ON ME!!!. He couldn’t convince me that it’s OK because he’s just receiving and not actually doing anything himself. I have to call bullshit on that one. I think I’d be hard pressed to find many women that would find it acceptable for her man to get his weenie waxed by some other woman just so long as he doesn’t pull up to the buffet and get his eat on too. OH NO!!!! I asked my friend how she would feel if she did see another woman going down on her man, and all she would say was “That won’t ever happen, and he’ll never see another man going down on me either”. Holy shit! There is no shame in my girl’s game! I guess I have to respect her choices and I love her no matter what, but I have a strong suspicion that if the shoe ends up on the other foot and she finds her man with someone else’s head between his legs, I’m going to have to bail her out of jail later that night because somebody is gonna get cut!