Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

Horny, Frustrated and Ready to Email...

About a month ago, I started a new job.  Things there are going well.  The people are pretty cool for the most part and I'm learning a lot of new stuff that's actually very interesting.  All is well.
My company does a lot of collateral and other marketing materials for our clients so that requires a creative team to design the stuff.  The company tends to use temporary employees for the creative work since there are lulls in the amount of design needed so they don't want to pay for full-timers. One of these temps was a guy I'll call Jerry.
I noticed Jerry on my first day when I looked around the room during my introduction to the rest of the company. Jerry had a very large, bright smile on his face that was very welcoming.  Later he approached me in the hallway and formally introduced himself.  He seemed like a nice, friendly guy. Slightly flirty, but non-threatening.  Not my type, but a nice guy nonetheless.  A couple of days later during a meeting at which we were both in attendance, I looked up several times to find Jerry staring at me every time. Surprisingly, I didn't find him creepy, but he still wasn't my type. He seemed a little "Crunchy Granola/New Agey" to me and I just wasn't feelin' him. I didn't find Jerry unattractive, I just wasn't attracted to him. I even saw him at the gym one night, but he didn't see me. I didn't say a word to him for fear that he would feel like we were on neutral ground and he might make a move.  Yes, I can be full of myself.  Go ahead and judge me. I'm too cool to care. Just kidding;)
Over the last couple of weeks, Jerry and I worked together on a couple of projects and we chatted a bit and shared a couple of laughs.  He turned out to be as cool and friendly as I first thought. He was starting to grow on me, but I still wasn't interested. Until a couple of days ago...
Monday morning, Jerry comes walking into the office with a fresh new haircut and wearing a cool shirt. He was looking pretty good! His hair before was a hot mess and one of the reasons I wasn't feelin' the love. Now you could see how gorgeous his deep blue eyes are and his perfect smile stood out just a bit more. I (and a couple of other ladies) complimented Jerry on his new-found hotness.
Later that day, Jerry came in my office and we started chatting about travel, foreign language, music, our interests outside of work and life in general.  Turns out we had a lot in common.  On Tuesday, Jerry stopped by my office again to continue our conversation from the day before. We added books to our list of "things in common." As Jerry was standing there, I found myself feeling all warm and fuzzy and fantasizing about gettin' ten kinds of freaky with him! Now it has been a few months in the desert for me, but I was genuinely attracted to the dude and I really wanted to make out with him...among other things.
Just so happens that during our conversation, I asked Jerry how long he was assigned to the company.  He said that it was indefinite as long as they had work.  Somehow we started talking about networking and I mentioned LinkedIn. I told him that I had made some good connections there and he told me that he also had an account. I told him to look me up and I'd add him to my network. He seemed excited about maintaining a connection and I was pretty pleased too. I was enjoying our flirtation.
This morning I walked into the office and heard the sad announcement that yesterday was Jerry's last day.  There wasn't enough work to keep him busy so they sent him on his way.  He got the call after hours from his agency.  Boo hoo!  Who am I going to flirt with now? And now that my mind has gone racing to those naughty places, I'm one horny mess! I know I told Jerry to look me up, but I'm seconds away from looking him up first.  Actually, I already looked him up. I just punked out on shooting him an email. I think I'll hold out for a few days "Swingers" style.  Hopefully, Jerry will reach out to me first.  I just hope that if we do re-connect he hasn't let that beat down hairdo crop back onto his head. I'd probably still jump his bones since I know what's underneath, but I'd still rather do "Hot Jerry". Wish me luck!

Confessions of a Player...Why do Women Fall for these Jerks?

Paul Janka is a relatively good-looking, I'm assuming "charming" bastard.  He claims to have bedded over 100 women and I'm sure he has.  He is a classic example of the asshole that gets laid even though he is a slimy dirtbag. Why do women fall for these types of guys? Is their self-esteem that low? No I'll give the guy credit for actually having some game that gets these girls in bed.  He was recently on the Tyra show where he pointed out that being a player is a skill while being a slut is as easy as laying on your back.  Sick as that is, I completely agree.  It takes some skill to get a girl from "hello" to "oh yeah baby, do me just like that". As much of a repulsive, soulless, morally bankrupt cad I think this dude is, the women that fall for his special brand of player bullshit are complicit in their eventual upset and/or heartbreak because this snake actually tells you that he's a snake.  I don't know if these women think that they have magical pussy that transforms toads into princes or if they think that poor Paul just needs the attention and affection of the "right" woman to melt his stone cold heart, but they are all wrong.  This douche thinks that he's living large. He's so arrogant that he goes on national talk shows and writes books about his conquests with impunity. He does not think for a second that his bold admissions will preclude him from tapping as much ass as his little soldier can handle. He probably took home some knowing Production Assistant as soon as the segment wrapped. Poor girl is probably waiting for a text message from good ole Paul asking her out for another night of fun and romance.  A text that she'll never get. Oh well, at least she'll be in his next book.  That's worth your self-respect I suppose.  Paul has obviously been deeply hurt by some woman in his life and sees taking advantage of the desperation and self-loathing of a sad segment of women as sweet revenge. He's at least smart enough to capitalize on his foul behavior now. His well of good looks and "game" will eventually run out and he's going to need the proceeds from those books and show appearances to convince the ladies to give him a ride. Equally repulsive, but at least he has to give up something that he values in exchange. See the little prince's appearance on the Today Show. I would have slapped that dirty stubble off of his face if I were Meredith Vieira.

Personal Ad Template - Bootycall

 

Online "dating" has become as commonplace as the drunken fraternity party hookup. No longer is there a stigma attached to logging in an shopping for a bootycall,dinner date,boyfriend,life partner or husband. The hardest part is putting together a straightforward, comprehensive profile of exactly what you're looking for.  I've read through a few of these ads and guys can be very straightforward (read BRUTALLY HONEST) about what they want in a bootycall.  We women tend to be a bit more diplomatic in our requirements because we're programmed to be nice and considerate of other people's feelings.  Well if you're trying to get your freak on, there's no time for niceties and bullshit ego stroking when it comes to landing your future hot piece of ass. To help my girls out, I've put together this handy template to get you started on the "What I'm Looking For" section of any online dating site.  This is written with the independent fierce diva in mind so it's take no prisoners time! Significant detail is required because every smart woman knows that men don't get subtleties. They need stuff spelled out.

The Template - Feel free to customize to your particular specifications.

I’m looking to get laid. Seriously. I’m not trying to be your girlfriend, I just want a ridiculously hot guy to do me and do me well. Since this is strictly a bootycall, I want the whole fantasy. I’m willing to sacrifice love for flawless abs. Of course some of my criteria will be viewed as shallow. I’m willing to accept that. Men who do this often rattle of a list that is 90% “ideal” physical attributes. That’s completely fair. You only get what you want when you’re bold enough to ask for it. So I too will ask for what I want. Of course, men are mortals and most will not possess all of these attributes, but if you are honest with yourself, you know how close you come to what I’m looking for. So here we go….

You should be:

1. Hot as hell! This encompasses a number of      things. Looks, confidence, style,      intellect so I’ll give you a little insight into what I find hot.

Looks: Handsome face with good bone structure and features. Nice teeth, clear skin, you have full head of hair. If it’s shaved close, that’s cool. I prefer it dark. If you’re completely bald, I’m not feelin’ it. Sorry. Now when I say handsome, that’s based on the opinions of someone other than you, your mom, your grandma and that weird girl who stalked you in high school. I’m looking for a head turner. The guy who has girls bumping into each other because they’re all craning their necks trying to get a good look at you. You are well-dressed and clean shaven. And yes, you are 100% straight. I realize that men of this caliber are in high demand, which is why I’m perfectly fine with being one of your many friends. Everybody should have lots of friends. It’s good for the soul. Here is a short list of guys I find to be hot as hell. Of course they are actors and/or models, but if I gave you the name of the hot guy who lives down the hall from me, you wouldn’t know who the hell I was talking about.

- Paul Walker (uber fucking hot!!!! Maybe the hottest man on the planet)

- Keanu Reeves (yum, yum, yummy)

- Clive Owen (rugged good looks. Very masculine and very sexy)

- Boris Kodjoe (equally as hot as Paul)

- Tyson Beckford (uber hot sexual chocolate)

As far as age, I prefer under 40 but not younger than 25, but there are always exceptions. I’ll assess each case individually, but that’s typically my range.

2. At least 5’10. Yes, I like most women like a man who is tall. It’s that whole powerful, take me in      your arms and throw me on the bed thing. You don’t want me to be fat and I don’t want you to be short. Now of course, if you are the second      coming of Paul Walker but you just happen to be 5’8, I can work with that.      If you are the 5’4” version of Paul, I’m sure there are many lovely 5’0”      women who would be perfect for you. I hope that you’re very happy together.
3. Physically fit. And I’m not just talking about      your lung capacity. You should LOOK fit as well. I like firm, ripped      muscles.  And be active. I need someone to teach me how to      snowboard.
4. Unattached. This means that you do not have a      wife, fiancé or serious girlfriend (live-in or otherwise). You are single and free to be at my      house at the drop of a hat or have me drop by for “coffee”. If you’re committed, I’m not      interested.
5. A non-psycho. I don’t have any time or interest      in drama. I don’t bring it and I won’t tolerate it. Ours is to be a friendship      that is 100% drama free.
6. Considerate. Just because I’m not interested in being the love of your life      doesn’t mean that I don’t expect you to respect my time and energy. If we make plans, show up on time. If you have to cancel plans, try to give      me reasonable notice. I have other      friends I can give that time to. Just let me know. We’ll hang another time. No hard      feelings.
7. Drug and disease free and a NON-smoker. OK, the occasional       “420” thing is not a problem, but      hard drugs make me nervous. I don’t do them and I don’t hang with people      who do. I also do not ever want to      experience an STD of any kind. My      new friend should know that under no circumstances will we EVER be having      sex without a condom, but I’d still like for you to have no diseases. I don’t care what you do with your      other friends. That’s their problem. I, however, don’t play without a raincoat.

I think these guidelines are reasonable and easy to live up to. If you agree, drop me a line and a recent picture that shows me what your face AND body look like. NO COCK SHOTS please. If I get the feeling that we might click, I’ll see your cock later.