Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

Samuel L. Jackson Looks Nervous...

Shit! Can you blame him??? Let's start a prayer circle for that brotha right now!!!

Brett Favre is a Selfish Bitch...

Wasn't it just a few months ago that this little girl was crying on TV, snot running down her face and her little voice cracking like a zit-faced prepubescant teenager? Crying about how much he's going to miss the Packers and football and slapping grown men an their asses? Now this self-absorbed crybaby has decided that the people of Wisconsin have suffered enough. The trauma of his "retirement" was just too much for one state to have to bear so now he's coming back to save the day.  Friggin' glory hog. He's not satisfied with the phenomenal success that he's already had.  He just has to have more.  He can't let someone else step up and live their dream the same way he did? Noooooo.  He has to be the star. He can't just quit while he's ahead and go enjoy his life.  The dude is 40! Get off the field grandpa! Then again, he's only 40, he could be enjoying his life and his millions in so many other ways. I predict a shitty season for a selfish bastard. GO COWBOYS!!!!

George Carlin,American Badass...R.I.P

More sad news...one of the funniest and most profound comedians of all time has died.  Yet another bummer.  I just finished crying (literally) about my man Tim Russert, and now GC has gone and died on me too.  I'm not crying this time. I think George had a pretty damn good life and considering all the shit he did to himself, it's a miracle that he made it to 71 years old.  It's still sad though. The things he could have gotten away with saying as an 90 year old man would have been even funnier than the politically incorrect rants of his youth. I hope he and Tim are somewhere together having a good belly laugh.  Here's one of my favorite George Carlin routines...

R. Kelly - Dirty Bastard of the Decade!

I've been so busy with my new job that I haven't had the time to vent my absolute horror, outrage and disgust at the acquittal of R. Kelly on child pornography charges. I have to get this one out, late or not.

Why in the hell can’t a jury convict a celebrity? Does singing a bunch of lame R&B songs that all sound the same give you a free pass to have sex with little girls? Especially when there is video? WTF?!?! What do the rich and famous have to do, short of confessing to a crime, to get their asses thrown in jail for breaking the goddamn law? This man has a history of sleeping with under aged girls. Rumor has it that he has paid off at least 10 other girls for the same damned offense which says to me that he is a hardcore pedophile. Otherwise, why would he continue to tempt fate by sleeping with children?  He preys on little girls who are mesmerized by his fame and money. Then when he gets caught, he uses that same fame and fortune to convince the parents of these girls to let him get away with molesting their child by paying them off. The whole thing is just repugnant! These little girls are too wild for their own good. R. Kelly is a sick son of a bitch that apparently can’t deal with grown women and the parents that took the hush money are nothing more than pimps who should have been charged with child molestation as well.

This case also infuriates me for a couple of other reasons. It sickens me how the black community rallied around this sick criminal like what he did wasn’t “that bad”. I refused to watch the tape because I think it’s vile as well as illegal. Other people I’ve talked to that have seen the tape say that the person in the tape is definitely R. Kelly. Friends of the girl at the center of the trial testified that they recognized her as Kelly’s partner in the video so it should have been an open and shut case in my opinion. Just like other crimes involving high-profile black defendants, the black community immediately came to the asshole’s defense. His career didn’t suffer. His lifestyle didn’t change one bit, and he sold even more records than he did before he was exposed as the deviant that he is. The other thing that pisses me off is the apparent disregard for the value of a young black woman. It took four fucking years for that bastard to be tried and that was after the two years it took for him to be indicted in the first place! The fact that there was any hesitation to bring such a heinous crime to trial boggles the mind. I’d be willing to bet that if it had been a tape with R. Kelly having sex and pissing on an Ashley Tisdale look-a-like, his ass would have been locked up the same day, denied bail, tried within 6 months and he’d be on year 5 of his 15-year sentence.

When R. Kelly does this again (and he will) I hope it’s with the 13-year old daughter of one of the star-struck idiot jurors that acquitted him. It probably wouldn’t matter though. They’re probably hoping for the same thing so that they can get paid too. Sick, twisted and pretty damned sad:(

Tim Russert R.I.P...

A great man and journalist died today and I am pretty bummed about it. Tim Russert was a brilliant and thoughtful man who had a way with people that garnered respect and admiration. When I heard the news of his death, the first thing I thought was how sad it was that he wouldn't be around for the upcoming election.  I was sad for him because general election coverage was where he really shined, and I was sad for the American people who looked to him for that extra bit of insight that only he could provide.
I'll never forget his excitement during the June 2nd primaries when Barack Obama finally clinched the number of required delegates to become the presumptive Democratic nominee for President. While everyone else went on about the history-making moment in terms of the upcoming election and the uphill battles of both candidates, Tim commented about how at that at moment, he wished he was a history teacher at an inner-city school so that he could share in the excitement and express the importance of that moment with the kids at that school.  He was so genuinely moved by the  moment, and that moved me.
Tim Russert was one of the good ones. My heart goes out to his family and colleagues who all seem to be absolutely heartsick over his loss. I hope that people say the kinds of amazing things about me that I've heard said about him when I leave this world. Godspeed Tim!

Sad Celebrity Sighting...

I had the near misfortune of sharing the road with bad plastic surgery victim/used to be kinda famous, Tara Reid, on my ride home from work this evening.  I was headed north on La Cienega when I noticed a small blonde woman in a new BMW 335i convertible.  BMWs are a dime a dozen in this part of LA (even I was driving one) so that part was hardly noticeable. What made me glance over at the woman was the fact that she was blasting a horrible Kanye West song that I absolutely hate.  I didn't recognize her at that moment though. What I did notice was that she was driving like a flippin' MANIAC!!! She was gunning the engine every time the light turned green.  She was darting in and out of lanes. She did signal,but her moves were so fast and erratic that it was a wonder that she didn't get hit. 

Anyone that lives in LA or has driven here, knows that La Cienega is one of those streets that ALWAYS has stop and go traffic, especially right by the Beverly Center which is where we were.  I was so appalled by this woman's driving that when I pulled up next to her at the next light I looked over at her to give her a look of contempt. She looked over at me and she gave me the sweetest smile.  That's when I realized it was Tara Reid. She didn't give me a smug, bitchy "I can do whatever I want to do" smile either.  It was as if she was kind of embarrassed by her own behavior and she was a apologizing for it with her smile. I couldn't give her a dirty look at that point.  I actually felt a little bad for her and I gave her a little smile back. I started to tell her to be careful, but I decided against it.

Poor Tara. I think she was secretly trying to cause some drama that would get her some publicity. Two of Lindsay Lohan's accidents were only a few blocks from where we were and both of those incidents turned into a circus with news helicopters and everything. Maybe Tara was hoping for her breaking news at 11 moment? 

I finally made a turn onto another street so I don't know if she kept driving like a crackhead rushing to her dealer for a hit, but I haven't heard any helicopters or seen any breaks in the nightly newscast so I guess Tara made it home OK. I hope that girl gets a job soon.  It's kinda sad when you used to be a b-list actress and now you're dropped from the list all together and must suffer the indignity of driving a 3-series BMW while Britney drives a $150K Benz through the KFC drive-thru.  So sad...

I've Seen the Sex and the City Movie - NOT A SPOILER!!!

I PROMISE YOU THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND SPOIL THE MOVIE FOR THE LOYAL FANS OF SEX AND THE CITY.  THESE ARE JUST GENERAL OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND THE WHOLE SATC PHENOMENON...

So a good friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me that he had tickets to a private screening of the SATC movie.  I never watched the show, but I knew about the premise and was familiar with all the characters.  Every other woman I know has already bought pre-sale tickets and are setting up parties to go see the movie so I figured that even though I didn't care about the movie, I could rub the fact that I got to see it before it was released to the masses in my overly excited girlfriends faces(yeah, I'm that bitch. lol)

The movie was entertaining enough.  It didn't leave me wanting to run out and buy the DVD box-sets, but I wasn't falling asleep and laughed out loud more than once.  I was also happy to support writer/director Michael Patrick King.  Up until a year ago (when he left for NY to film the movie) he had a suite in a West Hollywood office building. My suite was next door to his and he is a very sweet and classy man.  Not at all pretentious or snobby. I like him very much so for him alone I hope the movie makes a trillion dollars.  OK, I'm done name dropping.

Now on to my observations:

1. Sarah Jessica Parker is a ridiculously skinny bitch! So skinny that it's painfully unattractive.  They say that the camera adds 10 pounds, but SJP needed about 30 pounds added.  You can see every vein, organ and rogue fat cell in that woman's body. Somebody please feed her!
2. What's up with the way Kim Catrall speaks? Her affect is such that I can't tell if she's trying for upper-crust posh socialite or sex kitten??? I was confused and annoyed at the same time.
3. Kristin Davis is the prettiest one of the group and looks damn good in high fashion as well.  Why wasn't she the lead on this show?
4. I don't get the appeal of Jason Lewis(Smith).  I honestly don't find this guy attractive. He has an enormous head and he needs to stay out of the sun because he's getting some deep folds in his face. I know I'm in the minority, but I was bothered by his massive dome and sun-damaged skin.
5. I found Chris Noth attractive.  I never have before, but I could see some Cary Grant-esque quality about him that was appealing.
6. SATC fans are insane. I had a woman sitting behind me who felt compelled to comment on EVERYTHING. She had to critique the clothes and the shoes.  She sang along to the soundtrack. She had to give Carrie advice (I shit you not). She had to blurt out what she thought a character was about to say.  I swear I thought I was at a screening of Soul Plane with all the talking to the screen that was going on!  Someone needs to sit her down and explain that these are not real people or situations and that they can't hear her talking to them.  I was over her ass about 15 minutes into the film.
7. The soundtrack was really good even with a crazy woman behind me singing along.

Overall, it was a good experience. I wouldn't see it again, but I wouldn't tell anyone not to check it out either. I think the true fans of the show will be happy with it.  I just hope they start a letter writing campaign to SJP to get on a program of regular eating.  I'm worried about that chick.

Miley Cyrus: Teenaged Vixen or Marketing Genius?

 

All the talk about the "controversial" Miley Cyrus pictures in Vanity Fair has just gotten ridiculous.  It's a friggin' picture of a girl wrapped in a bed sheet! A picture that I chose not to use because it's been overused and overanalyzed.  All you can see is her bony little back.  Nothing too risqué and only slightly suggestive.  Pretend the sheet is a beach towel and you'll realize that she's not showing anything more than you might see at your local beach.  The fact that people are all up in arms over this thing boggles my mind. Now I do understand that it does have a hint of the "come hither" and no parent wants to think of their 15-year old daughter having any kind of sexual attraction and/or interest, but we live in the real world. At 15, I’d venture to guess that some boy has already actually seen a little of what’s under that sheet or at least copped a feel of it. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s still a virgin because I don’t want to picture Hannah Montana bumpin’ uglies with some sweaty, nervous teenaged boy. Heaven forbid!

 

The media has been pounding on this for over a week. The way they went at it, you would have thought the girl had made a gang-bang video instead of having taken a fairly innocuous photo. While I don’t think it’s really fair how the media and the conservative boneheads like Bill O (I refuse to type the bastard’s entire name) have jumped all over this girl, I don’t feel completely sorry for her either. I think there was a method to this madness. Just like every Teen Queen before her, Miley Cyrus is looking towards life after child stardom. Tweens have a short attention span and Disney is already grooming their next Lizzie Rayven McGuire-Montana to replace her. Miley is trying to keep getting paid by making sure the industry sees her as more than a cute kid with a silly show on The Disney Channel. She and her handlers know exactly what they’re doing. Look at how much publicity she’s gotten! She’s been the lead story on not only the entertainment shows, but “legitimate” news as well. I bet that issue of Vanity Fair sells pretty well too. More people have heard her name in the last week than they have in the last year. If she’s smart enough to parlay this into a lucrative career in her adult years and not just end up another former child star, I say more power to her. It worked for Jodie Foster, Britney Spears and to a lesser degree, Brooke Shields. They all went through some controversy for being teenagers behaving like naughty adults and they’re all still doing pretty well in the money making department. Miley needs to find the right precocious teenaged hooker role AND win an Oscar for it. Then she’ll be golden!

 

American Idol is Fixed and Paula Abdul is Crazy

I'm no fan of American Idol.  I always suspected the fix was in and that the "judges" comments were completely contrived to manipulate the audience into voting a certain way.  Bat-shit crazy, Paula Abdul opened her overly medicated mouth and proved my theory to be true.  Either that or the chick really can see into the future and comment on it too.  Watch this talentless hack give pre-written commentary on a performance that hasn't even happened yet.  When is this show going to finally fire this train wreck/liability?

Gary Coleman headed to Divorce Court...He is one sad sack.

Just when it looked like Gary Coleman was starting to show signs of being "normal" it turns out he's just a new kind of crazy. He marries some 21-year old chick he met on a movie set; claims that despite his new marriage, he's still a 40-year old virgin and now he's airing his dirty laundry on Divorce Court.   I think the whole thing is a publicity stunt since the dude needs to do whatever he can to get some news coverage, but this is beyond sad.  He admits to having no friends and no intention of making any because they'll just take advantage of him.  This is one tortured mini-man...
Gary Coleman Brings Marital Woes to 'Divorce Court'