Bad Idea of the Day: Holding Sex Hostage

I don’t know if this is a new trend, but I have now spoken to or overheard 5 different women in their 30s who say that they are no longer having sex until they are married. The reason being is that they feel that men don’t take them seriously and they have to show them that they are looking for something more permanent than just dating. I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that way of thinking, but I think these women are in for a rude awakening. I wish them luck, but I predict disappointment and epic failure. If this is something you’re thinking about, consider this:

1. You’re not giving it up which means you’re not getting any either. Sexual frustration makes for one unpleasant and undesirable broad. Dates will be few and far between.
2. You ain’t the only game in town. I’m sure you’re a lovely person and any man would be lucky to have you, but while you’re holding out, he’s humping someone else. Brutal truth. Believe it.
3. You’ve played your hand and exposed yourself. Men now know that you will use sex as a bargaining chip, and that’s not sexy. Who wants to deal with that?
4. How do you know you want to commit yourself to a man that you haven’t given a test drive? I would guess that all sexually active women know the bitter disappointment of lousy sex. I can  deal with messing up my hair for a bad piece of ass once,but if you’re looking to have me looking like a windblown mess on the regular, you best be bringing the heat.
5. OK, more brutal truth: You’re in your 30s. You are competing with teenagers and 20-somethings for men. You’re already at a disadvantage. One advantage that you actually have is that your life experience and confidence makes you far superior in bed to these little girls. I highly recommend that you fuck your way to his heart.

I know these women are buying into the whole “Why buy the cow…?” crap, but I truly doubt that a man is going to buy a whole cow just so he can get a piece of tail. I say “Why buy the bull when you can get the bullshit for free?” Date, hang out and get to know someone without an agenda. Enjoy yourself and get your jollies, then move forward or move on once you have an idea if you have a winner or a loser. You can try holding out on sex, but I think you’ll end up even more frustrated. The Rabbit can only do so much and batteries are expensive!

Comments

[Athena]

I don't think the type of women who are deciding not to have sex before marriage are looking for the type of men you're describing, anyway. I agree with #4 wholeheartedly, but "fuck your way into his heart"? You're just perpetuating the stigma that women in their 30's are past their prime. You probably fancy yourself a realist, but this post is extremely cynical and misguided. I love sex, I could never wait to get married before having sex, but I respect the people who do.

[Fierce Diva]

@Athena
From what I've heard and seen, these women are still looking for the ever desirable Alpha-male, and he usually has lots of options and is looking for some action. My quip about "fucking your way to his heart" was made tongue in cheek. I seriously doubt you could make a man fall in love with you by lying your back. I am a realist; maybe even cynical, but I thought that my belief that women in their 30s are IN their prime was pretty evident.

[Regretful Morning]

No Alpha Male would ever be told that he needs to wait for marriage. I've had girls tell me they're waiting for the right guy and had them bouncing away in the front seat of my truck that very night.

Women don't know what they want, you have to tell them.

Sure they can find a man that will wait for marriage - but that man is a wet blanket and in a few years she will walk all over him and end up getting drilled by bikers in dive bars.

[Preston]

I agree with this post wholeheartedly. The comments made about alpha males is right on as well. It's like going fishing with the worst bait you could possibly find. There's no "method" to finding a person who'll be tolerable for the rest of your life (or theirs). You've just gotta hope for the best...but why not have some sex while your hoping?!

[Mike Riley]

Ya know, this "holding out for marriage" approach is nothing new. Indeed, it was standard procedure until the last half of the last century. And, let it be said, it does force the hand of at least a few men when confronted with it.

Speaking of "forcing the hand", I know guys will frequently resolve any frustrations from the non-putting out woman by their own means, and I suspect women deal with such issues in more or less the same way[s].

That said, I think it's unwise to settle into marriage without at least having a sense of sexual compatability. But I can understand why so many women are tired of putting out without long-term result [it does beg the question, though; do these women not enjoy the sex act? If true, how happy will their future home life be if linked with someone who expects it regularly?].

-MR