Fierce Diva - Humor and Insight for the Grown and Sexy

Miley Cyrus: Teenaged Vixen or Marketing Genius?

 

All the talk about the "controversial" Miley Cyrus pictures in Vanity Fair has just gotten ridiculous.  It's a friggin' picture of a girl wrapped in a bed sheet! A picture that I chose not to use because it's been overused and overanalyzed.  All you can see is her bony little back.  Nothing too risqué and only slightly suggestive.  Pretend the sheet is a beach towel and you'll realize that she's not showing anything more than you might see at your local beach.  The fact that people are all up in arms over this thing boggles my mind. Now I do understand that it does have a hint of the "come hither" and no parent wants to think of their 15-year old daughter having any kind of sexual attraction and/or interest, but we live in the real world. At 15, I’d venture to guess that some boy has already actually seen a little of what’s under that sheet or at least copped a feel of it. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s still a virgin because I don’t want to picture Hannah Montana bumpin’ uglies with some sweaty, nervous teenaged boy. Heaven forbid!

 

The media has been pounding on this for over a week. The way they went at it, you would have thought the girl had made a gang-bang video instead of having taken a fairly innocuous photo. While I don’t think it’s really fair how the media and the conservative boneheads like Bill O (I refuse to type the bastard’s entire name) have jumped all over this girl, I don’t feel completely sorry for her either. I think there was a method to this madness. Just like every Teen Queen before her, Miley Cyrus is looking towards life after child stardom. Tweens have a short attention span and Disney is already grooming their next Lizzie Rayven McGuire-Montana to replace her. Miley is trying to keep getting paid by making sure the industry sees her as more than a cute kid with a silly show on The Disney Channel. She and her handlers know exactly what they’re doing. Look at how much publicity she’s gotten! She’s been the lead story on not only the entertainment shows, but “legitimate” news as well. I bet that issue of Vanity Fair sells pretty well too. More people have heard her name in the last week than they have in the last year. If she’s smart enough to parlay this into a lucrative career in her adult years and not just end up another former child star, I say more power to her. It worked for Jodie Foster, Britney Spears and to a lesser degree, Brooke Shields. They all went through some controversy for being teenagers behaving like naughty adults and they’re all still doing pretty well in the money making department. Miley needs to find the right precocious teenaged hooker role AND win an Oscar for it. Then she’ll be golden!

 

American Idol is Fixed and Paula Abdul is Crazy

I'm no fan of American Idol.  I always suspected the fix was in and that the "judges" comments were completely contrived to manipulate the audience into voting a certain way.  Bat-shit crazy, Paula Abdul opened her overly medicated mouth and proved my theory to be true.  Either that or the chick really can see into the future and comment on it too.  Watch this talentless hack give pre-written commentary on a performance that hasn't even happened yet.  When is this show going to finally fire this train wreck/liability?

Skinny Men - The Anti-Sexy

What is the deal with these skinny-ass men running around? Some of these dudes are smaller than 12-year old girls and they are adult men! I blame guys like Pete Wentz for this onslaught of men that won't eat. They run around in those low rise, skinny jeans that they bought in the juniors section and it's just not cute! What the hell can you do with a man that small? Do you even want to see what his bony little ass looks like naked? I need a man with some weight on him. A MAN that can knock the wind out of me when he jumps on top of me. Not some stickman.  Aside from teenage starfuckers who are hatin' on Ashlee Simpson for bagging Skinny Pete, what kind of woman wants a man that she can probably take in an arm wrestle? I'm talking normal-sized women too. The dude in this picture couldn't weigh more than 110 pounds.  Does a guy this thin even have testosterone? My 10-year old nephew weighs about 80 pounds. This is just not acceptable.  Eat a fuckin' steak dude AND a fully loaded bake potato then wash it down with a peanut butter chocolate milkshake.  You deserve it!

Friend or Soul-Sucking Energy Vampire?

We all experience rough times and we often look to our friends to help us through, but some "friends" seem to need way more care and feeding than others.  You want to be there for your friends the same way you would hope they would be there for you, but sometimes it's just  too much and you start to wonder if this is a friendship or something else.  Here's some signs that your friend might actually be sucking the life out of you:

1. Do you spend the majority of your time with them discussing their latest drama and/or reliving the same drama over and over again?
2. Do you rarely hear from them when things are going great in their lives, but they are ringing your phone off the hook the minute some shit goes down?
3. Do you find yourself avoiding their phone calls?
4. Are you physically exhausted after yet another marathon phone call about how their man or woman has cheated on them AGAIN?
5. Do they seek your advice about relationships, work, life, etc - which you happily give - only to have them do the complete opposite of what you suggested then they call you to complain for the next 2 hours about how nothing has changed?
6. Do you find yourself wanting to shake the shit out of them?

Any or all of these things could be a sign that you have an energy vampire.  They are self-destructive, hard-headed and needy.  They want to suck up all of your time with their issues and expect you to be happy about it. I had a friend for many years who would break-up and get back together with the same lying, cheating asshole over and over again. She'd get strong and leave him and just when it looked like she was really ready to move on, he would call and give her a guilt trip and she'd take him back. I finally got tired of giving my time and energy to her personal Groundhog Day and told her that she could do whatever she wanted with her relationship, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore.  Of course she took offense to this and the friendship ended.  You would think that I would be sad to lose such a close friend, but I found myself RELIEVED instead.  I loved her dearly, but she was really an energy vampire. She and her never-ending issues left me physically drained and I was happy to have all that stress go away. 

If you have a "friend" like this and are feeling guilty about terminating the relationship, think of it in terms of this:

We all only get so much time on the clock of our lives and every minute is precious.  If you are giving your precious time to something that is not bettering your life or someone else's, it is time that is wasted and you will never get that time back.  Don't let an energy vampire suck away the time on your life's clock. You've got better better things to do with that time.

WTF??? A "Children's" Book about Cosmetic Surgery?

Holy shit! Just when I thought that the cavalier attitude towards cosmetic surgery couldn't get any worse, a "celebrity" cosmetic surgeon is now trying to indoctrinate a whole new generation of self-absorbed, overly image conscious surgery whores.  This fool actually wrote a book for the children of current surgery whores to help them understand why they no longer recognize their own mothers. The new book, 'My Beautiful Mommy' is targeted towards 4 to 7-year olds and should help clear up any confusion the little tykes might have when their moms come home from "the spa" all bandaged, groggy and inflated. I guess he thinks he's doing these kids a service; I think he's trying to make a buck as well as line up some future patients.  It's like the cigarette companie's philosophy of 'Get'em while they're young'.  This guy is creating brand loyalty among the pre-school set.  His next book will probably be titled:

'You're Only Ugly Because You Have Mommy's Old Nose.  I Can Help.'

Gary Coleman headed to Divorce Court...He is one sad sack.

Just when it looked like Gary Coleman was starting to show signs of being "normal" it turns out he's just a new kind of crazy. He marries some 21-year old chick he met on a movie set; claims that despite his new marriage, he's still a 40-year old virgin and now he's airing his dirty laundry on Divorce Court.   I think the whole thing is a publicity stunt since the dude needs to do whatever he can to get some news coverage, but this is beyond sad.  He admits to having no friends and no intention of making any because they'll just take advantage of him.  This is one tortured mini-man...
Gary Coleman Brings Marital Woes to 'Divorce Court'

Amy Winehouse Arrested for Beatin' Up Boys

Our Little Lady in Training Amy Winehouse just can't keep out of trouble.  In addition to gross nastiness, an equally untidy husband and a nasty drug habit, Lady Winehouse also has some serious rage issues.  Seems she was just arrested in London for punching one guy and head-butting another.  Head-butting?!?! Amy doesn't fuck around.  Jeez! Maybe she hides an anvil in that beehive? Fresh from the AP...
Amy Winhouse Arrested in London

I've Got a Killer Pussy...

You don't wanna fuck with this!

Funny Pictures

That's a Damn Sexy Sweater You're Wearing...

Ummmm...I just wanna run my fingers through it!

10 Things I Don't Want to do with A Few Reality Stars

1. I don’t  want to have dinner at Lauren Conrad’s house. Every time they show her in the kitchen on The Hills, there’s some fat, furry cat on the kitchen counter. I’ll pass on the cat hair in my lasagna, thanks. 

2. I don’t want to take hairstyling tips from Jeff of Sunset Tan. That dude has started a douche bag hair trend that is not only stupid but ugly too. 

3. I don’t want to have tons and tons of sex with Brody Jenner. I only want to have a single ton of sex with him. 

4. I don’t want to have any amount or type of sex with Domenico of Shot at Love/That’s Amore. I really don’t. 

5. I don’t want to do shots with Tila Tequila. She’d probably get drunk and try to have sex with me.  I don’t want to taste Tila or Tequila. 

6. I don’t want to get a dental referral from Alex of The Real Housewives of New York City. She can spend thousands of dollars on designer gowns and private schools for her kids, but she can’t afford one good orthodontist? Get your priorities straight Snaggle Tooth. 

7. I don’t want to get a plastic surgeon referral from Vicki, Lauri or any of the Real Housewives of Orange County.  Enough said.

8. I don’t want to go clothes shopping with Heather, Daisy, Angelique, (insert skank’s name here) from Rock of Love 1, Rock of Love 2 or any of the future “Rocks” of Love. I doubt that Homeless Hooker Chic will ever be a trend that sticks. 

9. I don’t want to get advice from Greg of The Real World Hollywood about how to win friends and influence people. That dude is colossal asshole and I can’t wait for the episode where he gets knocked the fuck out. 

10. I don’t want to take make-up lessons from Rocky of I Know My Kid’s a Star. I didn’t believe it was possible to paint on ugly, but Rocky proved me wrong.